Friends, Bloggers, Countrymen. I have been away. I could blatantly lie to everyone here, saying that I was super lazy, or that I was going through a writer’s block, or that my office work has increased. But no. I shall not lie. Blogger world has given me many a friends, few of whom have become too close to me. And hence, I owe all Bloggers the truth here. The reason for my interim disappearance in the Blogger world, both as a reader and a writer, is Alien Abduction. Yes, I was abducted by aliens.
They told me they were harmless. All they wanted was to do some research on humans, in return of which they would feed me all I wished. I obliged. They were fluent in Gujarati, In case you’re wondering how they communicated with me.
It was an amazing experience. I asked them why they chose me, an Indian, to abduct. Since I am a regular watcher of Hollywood movies, I strongly believed that all UFOs always landed, attacked and re-filled gas in the US.
I had a gala time inside their spaceship. I was not allowed to communicate with anyone, but I was provided with newspapers and a TV. I read and saw all about the aggressive marches that took place for me. It was overwhelming to see people shout aloud ‘Bring Back Kalpak’ outside my house, holding placards showing my face morphed over Hugh Jackman’s body. I even read about three people committing suicide on account of my blog going in a limbo. Even Anna Hazare fasted, demanding my return soon.
There was even a Slut Walk held out for me. But it was a different kind of a Slut Walk. Girls dressed provocatively and took to the streets shouting ‘Kalpak come back. I’ll be your slut’.
I also made them watch Roadies auditions, and taught them how and when to use golden words like Chutiya and Bhosdi-ke (I'm not censoring my abuses with asterisks here, in protest against SOPA). Now that I think about it, those aliens did look a little like Raghu Ram.
I made good friends with the aliens too. I had secret selfish motives of receiving some super powers from them, but sadly even my beliefs based on Koi Mil Gaya were shattered. I even got to see an alien rubbing its finger hard, and I later realized the depth of that act. Thankfully, my belief based on Scary Movie 3 remained intact.
I thought they were very good with me, but then by the time they were done, they refused to drop me home. They dropped me somewhere far away and asked me to take a rickshaw home, since they were getting late. Assholes.
On a more serious note, my genuine apologies to all the wonderful bloggers whose blogs I haven’t been reading and commenting on since almost a month now. I was going through a writer’s block, and my laziness was making me go through a reader’s block as well. I don’t know if I’m out of the writer’s block, but I do ensure I will pull myself out of the reader’s block, and bombard your posts with my worthless comments again.
Happy Blogging people.